Is Suffering a Personal Choice?

Q35. How can we navigate painful situations in life more skillfully? How is suffering different from pain, and if suffering is indeed a choice, how can we cultivate the art of suffering to transform pain into growth?

This is a vital question for inner transformation and making Jainism more practical and relevant in our day-to-day lives. The core teachings and spiritual practices within Jainism offer skillful ways to navigate life's challenges.

Challenges are a universal human experience. No matter who we are, what we do, or where we are, we all face painful situations. How we respond to them, however, makes all the difference. In this article, we would like to offer some experiential and practical tools to help us navigate these situations more skillfully, increase our resilience, and turn difficulties into opportunities for growth.

Understanding Pain and Suffering

When we talk about life's hardships, we often conflate pain and suffering, using the words interchangeably. But there's a crucial distinction we want to address first.

Pain

Pain is what happens to us; it's generally unavoidable and often beyond our control. This can manifest as anything from relationship conflicts, loss, health issues, and financial concerns to daily hassles, social problems, technological issues, or disagreements. Pain can be physical, emotional, and/or mental, and it can be acute (short-lived) or chronic (long-lasting).

Typically, we find that painful situations in life stem from change. The change can be positive or negative, or even something we desired. Yet, the nature of the change doesn't matter as much as the fact that it requires us to respond or adapt. We all experience a wide variety of changes in life: change in health, relationships, life circumstances, people, thoughts, material possessions, our bodies, our environment, the world around us, and even our own capabilities.

Suffering

Suffering, on the other hand, goes beyond pain; it is our response to what happens to us. Suffering involves our interpretation, thoughts, beliefs, and emotions about a given situation.

In Jainism, we learn that the roots of our suffering are Mithyatva (ignorance or wrong belief), Kashaya (anger, ego, greed, deceit, attachment, aversion), and Parigraha (attachment). All of these are internal factors. While we cannot control external situations or events, we can learn to better manage our internal response.

This is our spiritual work and our journey: to cultivate the skill of exercising our choice. Suffering, therefore, can be viewed as optional, something that is internal and over which we have significant influence.

The Art of Suffering

Understanding the distinction between pain (what simply is) and suffering (our response, our choice) is crucial for cultivating what we might call "the art of suffering." To begin, we can categorize our responses into two main types, which we'll explore in detail: the Unskillful Response and the Skillful Response.

The Unskillful Response

From a spiritual perspective, an unskillful response is one where we're not fully aware, our mind is not in the present moment, and our behavior doesn't align with our values. Unskillful responses are often reactive and habitual. In the heat of the moment, we tend to lose sight of our soul consciousness, our innate nature, or the innate nature of others. We forget our values, and amidst the situation, we lose sight of what's most important to us, our desired outcome, or our life's purpose.

These responses often stem from internal places like ignorance, wrong beliefs, fear, ego, worry, regret, greed, attachment, or insecurity. Forgetful responses compound our pain by adding suffering, often resulting in more karmic bondage.

The effects of this kind of response are significant: we become more anxious, regret our actions, fixate on negative aspects, and dwell on the situation long after it's over. We lack inner peace, our energy depletes, we feel weak, our perspectives narrow, and we carry these unprocessed emotions in our bodies, impacting our physical health and sleep.

Understanding the forgetful response is important because it allows us to become aware and actively work towards choosing a different path: a Skillful Response.

The Skillful Response

A skillful response is spiritual and intentional; it is with full awareness of the present moment and it brings healing to ourselves and others. This type of response doesn't compound our pain; instead, it transforms us so that the same or similar situations won't cause internal suffering again.

This doesn't mean we suppress our pain or ignore difficult situations. Instead, it means we face them head-on and use them for our spiritual growth and inner transformation. This isn't a magic solution that happens overnight or in every situation; rather, it's a conscious choice and a daily practice. We might succeed sometimes and stumble other times, but our goal is to grow in this practice, becoming more and more mindful in our responses.

A spiritual response originates from a place of acceptance, understanding, compassion, and our core values. It involves acting intentionally from a place of inner strength. This kind of response leads to a quiet mind, positivity, peace, calm, and an increased capacity to face life's challenges.

So, the question then becomes: How do we cultivate this skillful response?

Cultivating a Skillful Response

First, we need to understand our own response patterns. What kind of response do we typically resort to? Then, we need to set a clear intention to be more mindful. With awareness and right intention, every response can become an opportunity for growth.

The initial step for a mindful response, whether we're in a painful situation or reflecting on it afterward, is Awareness. This can be cultivated through practices like meditation, mindfulness, and journaling. Awareness involves knowing ourselves: who we are, what's important to us, what we value, what future we desire, and what brings us joy. It also means being acutely aware of our own emotions and thoughts as we experience them.

Awareness of both our thoughts and emotions is paramount in managing our responses. They continuously influence each other in a feedback loop, and we need to work with both.

Emotions: Name It to Tame It

Emotions in difficult situations can be overwhelming, and we need to process them. Spirituality is not intended to make us numb towards our emotions; instead, it's about being aware of them, acknowledging them, and compassionately taking care of them. When emotions aren't processed and acknowledged, they linger, especially in our bodies, and it s said that the dis-ease in our emotions could result in disease in our body.

We can begin to manage our emotions by first naming them, whatever they might be (calm, angry, frustrated, fearful, anxious, joyful, hurt, overwhelmed, guilty, despairing). Naming and acknowledging an emotion is a huge step. Equally important is that we hold the emotion with gentleness and kindness, just like tending to a crying baby.

This creates an opportunity to pause, investigate, and then determine the best course of action, instead of letting our emotions take charge and drive our behavior. To investigate our emotions, we need to look deeply at our thoughts, as thoughts and emotions continuously influence each other.

Thoughts: Know it to Shape it

When we face any situation, our brain processes it and forms thoughts. These thoughts are powerful; they help us interpret events, understand circumstances, and ultimately, create meaning for us. The key to navigating life's challenges effectively lies in becoming acutely aware of our thoughts and assessing their quality.

Instead of letting automatic, often negative, thoughts dictate our experience, we can consciously choose to shape our thoughts. By truly understanding the quality of our thoughts, we gain the power to reframe them, transforming our experience of even the most challenging circumstances.

To understand the quality of our thoughts, we need to look deeply and writing down our thoughts is a very useful practice for it. In a situation, are my thoughts, "Why me?" "Why now?" "Woe is me," or "I can't stand this this is unfair!" These are resistance thoughts. They signal that we're in denial of the situation, actively fighting against what has already occurred. The vital first step toward inner peace and regaining our strength is acceptance. This doesn't mean you have to like the situation, suppress or avoid taking action; it is simply that you acknowledge its reality without judgment, and process it.

In many life situations, understanding concepts of karma theory can significantly aid us in reaching acceptance. Also, being mindful about what is in our control, what s out of our control and what we have influence over, can increase our capacity to effectively face the situation. Time also plays a huge role in reaching acceptance; however, we should also be mindful of not using time as distraction and overlooking the need to shape our thoughts.

Next, we need to examine whether our thoughts are negative or critical toward ourselves or others. Clinging to such negativity merely adds to our pain; it doesn't help us move forward and can keep us entangled in unhelpful cycles. We must consciously shift our thoughts from negative to constructive ones. 

Positive, constructive, compassionate thoughts start with understanding ourselves and others and not blaming people or situations. We often think that if someone has wronged us, then we have the right to blame or think negatively about them. But we must pause and ask ourselves, what are we gaining by doing that?

Ultimately, we want our thoughts to align with our deepest values and the outcomes we desire. As an example, this could mean prioritizing and nurturing relationships over the fleeting satisfaction of "being right" or feeding our ego.

Most of us, as we grow, master the skill of using the right words and demonstrating appropriate behavior. However, where we often miss the mark is in right thinking. In Jainism, we emphasize Maan, Vachan, and Kaya thoughts, words, and actions underscoring that our thoughts, or intentions, are of utmost importance. As an example, if we harbor negative thoughts while speaking positive words, we'll likely never resolve conflict effectively. We cannot be consumed by negativity, blame, worry, and sadness internally and then hope for a positive outcome. Everything, truly everything, begins with our thoughts.

Most importantly, we need to continuously nourish our minds on a daily basis with the right content for positive thoughts to flourish within us. Just like we can't expect a healthy body by feeding ourselves junk food, we can't expect positive thoughts if we consume negative content. In our ignorance, we often claim that what we consume doesn't affect us, but have we truly paused to check the quality of our thoughts in various situations? Our mind is like a factory: what goes in, comes out. If we input content like violence, anger, discrimination, fear, greed, or ego through what we watch, hear, read, or even eat, then that s what will come out in our thoughts. We have to be selective about what we consume from TV, computers, and social media, to the games we play, the people we spend time with, and the conversations we have and be mindful of its effect on us.

My Response - My Choice

Awareness of our thoughts, and then actively shaping them to align with our deepest intentions, desired outcomes, and a sense of common humanity, empowers us to decide how we truly want to respond. Our thoughts are, in essence, the most critical aspect. 

We could ask ourselves questions such as: What outcome do I desire? What is my purpose in life? What is most important to me? How can I grow from this situation? What do I need to change within? What beliefs am I holding onto that are not supporting me? How can this situation bring me closer to my soul and aid my spiritual journey? Can I leverage this situation to reduce my kashayas (anger, ego, greed, deceit)? Again, journaling is a great practice to know ourselves.

This awareness allows us to choose a different path. By shifting our thoughts and, in turn, our emotions, we enable ourselves to be more mindful in our response. This mindful approach empowers us to respond with greater intention and wisdom.

Summary: Practical Wisdom for Navigating Life's Challenges

While these insights are powerful, the most important thing to remember is to test this information against your own life situations and internalize the knowledge through your own experience. If we don't put these principles into practice, they remain merely concepts.

Doing this practice isn't going to guarantee that we won't have painful situations in life, but what it does provide is that we are well-equipped and well-trained to face them.

Often, we feel like we don't need this, our life is fine, and in our ignorance, we end up thinking that mental discomfort, emotional pain, lack of joy in life, and lack of purpose are all normal ways of life. We won't know the difference until we try it and experience the peace, joy, calm, and strength within us.

Our Jain philosophy offers simple yet profound concepts that empower us to navigate life's seemingly small or large difficulties. Here are a few suggestions on how we can apply them:

       Meditation and Mindfulness Practices: These help us stay in the present moment and cultivate greater awareness of our own inner experience.

       Maan, Vachan, Kaya (Thoughts, Words, Actions): Remember that everything originates with supportive and positive thoughts.

       Nourishing our Mind: Daily practice to consume positive, inspirational content, study and deepen our understanding of Jainism.

       See Everyone as a Soul: This practice encourages us to look beyond the body and worldly dimensions, fostering deeper understanding and compassion. Keep the spiritual dimension in the forefront to help maintain perspective.

       Karma Theory: Understanding karma helps us move beyond questioning, resisting, or blaming, leading us toward acceptance of current realities.

       Jain Values as Guidance: Principles like Ahimsa (non-violence), Anekantavada (suspension of judgment), Aparigraha (non-possessiveness) provide invaluable guidance for responding to any situation with wisdom.

By embracing these insights and practices, we can truly cultivate the art of transforming pain into spiritual growth.